Hyperviscosity: coffee wine’s contribution to subatomic particle theory

Were it not for coffee wine’s emergence as an almost perfectly adapted medium for usage in the resonance containers used in large scale bubble chamber technology which eventually extrapolated out to the development of the Large Hadron Collider, the story of the Axemen’s role in Bubble Chamber technology could have remained relegated as a footnote to the history of nuclear / subatomic particles much like the myriad of other bands and their offspring, The Pi Muons, The Tau Neutrinos, the Gluons and rarely discussed Gravitons (also known on releases by Onset/Offset records as Ritchie Venus and the Gravitons), etc.

Coffee wine’s emergence as the only readily distributable commercially manufactured hyperviscose medium whose semi-opaque nature renders it an biometrically perfect medium for projecting the trails of subatomic particles onto its brief stable condition as a ‘proud but true’ medium of record for the ground breaking and astonishing (later Nobel award winning) strobe photography was at the heart of its importance as an analysis tool (‘which nobody can deny! which nobody can deny!’)but it was nonetheless a fateful accident which led to its later fame and the growth of its use as what Einstein once described as “a microscopic window on the extremely small and evolving”. Einstein later regretted the statement as “my greatest mistake” saying in his later years “God is neither small nor evolving! Do you hear me ? Nein! Nein!

The emergence of the Axemen’s contribution (the murky fluid they imbibed and worshipped having long since been legendarily epitomised as having emerged as a superfine substance arising naturally as they were considered a superfine band, and this inner perfection having now been implicitly accepted as a fait accompli in an almost implied and demonstratively actual case of ultra-symmetry, ie it could not have evolved otherwise given the circumstances of its creation as they were, being a que sera, sera situation in which it would be hugely unlikely for the situation to be othewise to what it can demonstrably be proven to be) to this eminently demonstrable ‘proof of the pudding’ .

A muppet in any kind of disguise after all still has the hand of its very maker up its butt. As Einstein reflected in later years, “Mein Gott, all these years all these years I haff been troubled and it was this holy hand all along up my freaking ass! – sheesh i respect the ‘always with you’ doctrine but geeze a guy has to take a dump once in a while – Oy!”

Bubble Chamber - Note crates of coffee wine, left
Bubble Chamber, CERN, circa 1949 - Note crates of coffee wine, left; Picture:A bunch of geezers hang out round the Super-Geeky Atomic hyperion-division supermagnetic field collider (SGAHDSmFC)

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