The (definitive article) Axemen (an mnemoir), or the slight return of M S Agro.
I remember the Axemen, the Axemen, the name (anag) passed over in the monumental and indefinitive Shute tome apart from a hemi-semi-demi-paragraph on page 340
noting in part that they were a notorious 90’s group, as well as that Bob was a leaden songwriter, and omitting the hard-won honorific ‘Little’ from McCabe’s name.
Like Calling Sir Cumference, Cumference [that would be an editorial cumference call – ed] but that’s the trouble with harry) — as the title of the book is (if the spine is to be trusted) ‘NZ Rock 1987-2007’ a group supposedly from the 90’s (I’ve added an apostrophe to allow fair use of Shute quotes) would seem to fall into the slightly left of middle of that bi-decade, and as the Axemen were both the beginning and the NZ, the
hardplace and the rock, the a-fore 1987 and the a-hind 2007, we need to examine all that’s left to find out if he’s right in leaving them somewhere out. There.
The Psychotic; Reactions; Hand-carburettors; Dung: The psychotic is almost certainly the, equal parts psychic dance-‘all, Stu, my first meeting with him when I was being psychically screened for what was euphemistically termed ‘session-work’ was one of the most terrifying experiences I’ve yet, or in the
future, had.
Stu screamed at me, blue neck veins standing out like drumsticks in Gracelands, ‘Just play the fucking E, string, nothing else, don’t fucking watch the others, if you do you’re dead. Otters have died’ As I was
auditioning for drums the instructions were difficult to follow. He threw me off the kit, and started drumming ‘in constipated fashion’ to show me what he envisag’d that the otters would want.
‘Hey!’ said one voice, that I would later find out was Bob, ‘that’s it, the missing link’. I thought he was referring to my admittedly simian visage, but looking up I percieved that he was looking up and looking up also, the quiet one, McCabe.
They stopped playing their guitars, but the noise from the amplifiers sounded exactly the same. Like fuzztoned whales. Being chased by Japanese scientists for their own good. Through a wah-wah.
Can you play bass. can. you. Play. bass? McCabe asked Bob. Brannigan said to Steve ‘Stuart can’ McCabe walked over to Page who hinted to Cardy that Kowawski was unable toplay.
How many of them were there. I pulled out my fingers and counted.
Still three, but the fastest moving three that I ever saw. A pre-blur blur.
‘We need an unthinking person to play ploddy lines and not ask questions about structural niceties’ McCabe mused. I put up my hand, actually for persimmon to leave the room, but they garbed the wrong end of the schtick. ‘You’ll do’ said
the psychotic, psychotically. ‘I will?’ said I. ‘It’s I do. Do it’ said Bob and thus I was initiated. The last two words being the mot secret tattooed on me. A fact later regretted when I served time. It could have been worse, I
might have been trying to join the scouts, or the salvation army.
Reactions: I was never a catalyst, accelerant, oxidiser, or agent of reduction, purely the litmus paper that turned bluish if there was enough bass. The notes
didn’t come easily. ‘0 – 0 – 5 – 7 – 0 – 3’ yelled McCabe over Brannigan’s bagpipes. I played ‘0 – 0 0 – 0 – 0 – 0’. ‘Stay away from the A string, it’s dangerous, McCabe mentored. ‘And D and whatever the little one is’ Bob added.
I was gradually twomentored into submission. Rather than learn to avoid strings I sellotaped everything but the big one to the neck of my double-bass. Then I found it was easier just to ‘break’ them before, or immediately during, playing. Soon I was ‘0 – 12 – 0 – 12 – 23 – 2 – 5”ing with the others. But far less erotically, far more eratically.
We played, people left, we stopped, they came back, we played the second set, they left again but when we stopped they didn’t come back. Bob started incorporating sudden stops into songs, hoping that if there was a pause the not-quite-audience would get whether they were coming or going confused and
head the wrong way and hear us when they were trying not to. This became a nightmare. ‘You’re quite a good reggae bass player’ Roger Sheppard said once. ‘I like the way that you never actually play with the drums or guitars but are always a step ahead of, or behind them, and the way the bass carries on when all else is silent’ I hung my head, a good luck charm given to me by McCabe.
‘Watch the head, if it’s swinging we’re playing’ he wrote down for me. He was right. not Al Right, but the advice helped. Some. But not me.
We played on a balcony at a party at someone’s parent’s house with Scab Union in the middle of the afternoon, a small suburb within a suburb. One of the people listening offered me a cup of warm lemon juice. Success at last. In earlier days there’d have been a quick shout of Gardy-Loo, rather than this kind of
shout. I felt we were progressing. ‘We’re not progressive’ Stu muttered [to be fair, he’d spent the morning listening to Emerson, Lake and Palmer and was in a particularly bad mood – ed].
I’d forgotten International Stu’s telepathic powers and the fact that his deafness carried over to them. ‘You’re thinking you’ve forgotten my telepathic towels’ he taunted. There was no escape. The neighbouring residents, still anonymous, but probably influenced by the sonic vibes reverberating their unknown bones,
agreed.
When I was plunking the E I thought back to my first encounter with McCabe, sneaking into EMI on Colombo Street, to put his cassettes into the album bins.
“You’ll really like the Gorillas’ Robyn assured me, as McCabe sneakily sneaked around in his sneakers, squeakily shreiking, and sheepishly bleating.
‘Grillers?’ I asked. Robyne pulled the recording tape out of the album racks, Little Stevie had finally worked it out, put the tapes in covers too big for anything but the record bins, and because the integrity of the other records required they be kept flat the tape had to be at the front. ‘Boy eats girl’ I read. There was a beautifully and simply draw diagram of a boy and girl together, the girl however had been covered in dotted lines of the type used in cookbooks to indicate cuts of meat. ‘The music’s a bit like that’ Robyne said.
I looked dubiously at the cover and the other Gorilla releases in the shop, a rare Pete and the Pigeons tape nestled up to SPC Eh?, and I guess in Dunedin similar scenes were taking place with regard to Glyph Richard. Where similar beauteous shop assistants assisted prospective record purchasers.
‘Can I hear a bit of this here Gorilla band’ I asked. McCabe, still in sneakers, winced, many a sale had been lost at this point. ” ‘Bertie Germ can’t die’ is probably the best introduction” said McCabe’s confederate and so I heard McCabe for the first time.
‘It’s not much like the Stranglers’ I commented. ‘Sssshhhh!’ they both said. I haven’t spoken since. I left penniless, but Penny never really liked me anyway. I ws clutching a limited release extra cassette by Salli Rog and the Tokin’Blacks. Shrubbery Dub. This as well as anything Robyne had been passed by Steve in the last month. McCabe left rubbing his hands, off to buy coffee beans, and climb the winestalk.
In the same omniverse…
Brannigan, now there’s a name to conjure with, half braggart, half harridan, half Finnegan, but always awake. An astronomer to the stars by trade. As most do I first encountered him playing guitar. ‘Can you nae put a small token of your appreciation into my well worn hat?’ he asked as he played everything Van Morrison had written to that date in a rapid unmuddled medley.
I nodded dumbly and dropped a duplicate copy of Shrubbery dub into his hat. ‘Money, none of that damned plastic, and I don’t take EFTPos or play chess’ he said sternly. I ran, as a flock of seagulls descended on the white haired fellow in the square. He ran after me, breaking windows as he struggled to catch up. There was to be no gain without breaking panes. Suddenly The Police rescued me. It was a Sting operation. I never saw Brannigan after that until the initiation. He was led off in cuffs, a collar, and the top hat. Otherwise naked, but stylish.
All this time Kowawski was in his own underground band, Above-Ground, determinedly subteranean in their refusal to sink to the level of most other bands in Christchurch. (notabene: A quick glance at Youtube will show you that the other important bands in this period in Christchurch were Maiden China and the White Boys, both of whom went on to be household names). The Above-Ground story and the’Gone Aiwa’ cassette are freely available on ebay, although freely in this case means you’ll be parting with $100 or so. That’s enough to get you into 20 Axemin gigs at 1980 prices. And at 2008 prices.
Then there was the second gig, but that’s another story, as was my sudden expulsion from the band because I had no sense of humour and started playing the A string rather than the ever increasing 24’s, the subsequent formations, the inclusion of women in the front line, the Peace Aotearoa gig which resulted
in riots and war, but always the same number of people in the audience, the faces constantly changing, although those of us who returned again and again to watch swore we could never let anything like this happen again.
Damn, no matter what I took I could nae work hand-carburettors or dung into this, although both feature prominently in other Axemen History which never repeats, only ripples. That must be the required 250 words, which are worth at least a quart or a pitcher. Can I stop now? Is anyone there? Is this the
real life or just fantasy? I can’t go on, I’ll go on Ill, The Horror, The Horror. Ice cream in cones across this guy. A way a lone a last a love a long A xemin.
M. S. ‘Mick’ Aggro
In retrospectre vs nervous wrector, the only uncheap laugh in the above is in the auto-genned possibly related posts at the end of it — currently:
* AFF – Testing their mettle
* Duo walks nation for peace
* Far More Than Love
* Good Ol’ Bryan McCabe, He’s the Worst Leaf You Can Play
Youtuble link to the meteoric rise of Maiden China and the White Boys but nt sure where — thta shd be addd for ntractivity — trying to find it using hat I thought were obvious keywords like driver I did find that Dean Waretini isn’t just a one-hit-wanda, but it’s not just the bridge of http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHeInCHhkFU that exacts a toll.
messrs Murkerry, Buckett, Cornraid & Joyarse extend their grateful dead excrescences from the bottoms of their hearses towards scriptor Agro for elusive alloojuns in post-in-question’s antepenultimate, penultimate & ultimate lions
meanwhile Punchin’Tommy, not yet dead, but unassailable for cement, manifests as-ever in crypto-porno fragment: ass creaming cum sucks cockster dry
! Ok lsm, it was woof writing just for that last bit of pinched pr0n by Hg.
This is gioonna look out of place but I want it rchived for obv reasons. all my own work 31/12
Not a final note, just work in progress — EMK and FB copies has copy — too tired and lost to edit the paste — so untidy — not to my usual stamdard.
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Today at 19:02 | Edit Note | Delete
the imortant links as thety relate to me do follw up the e,ails – xscuse jargn are
are (and a;ll this in personal fil or my paers/notes as home)
CHCH Teaaaam leader Ruth Mc Morram amd Carol, Buckenham t find out wheth IRs carazy contentio ereht CFB was my choice is in any way disoprovable apar from me beng unlikely to choose a racist and coleague hurtong and publically disting gossp as supr whge had friens whio wd supprt s/han RMTL ac CBSP
Em,ail or minitues referring
Richard McCulloch manager CGHCH = RMCH
Sandra Gear teamleader CH = SFTL and CBSOPs teamleader
Rosemary Lynn == IR human resources == RLhr
Sandra beer = Team mleader Wellington — flew down 2 vcme in yellolwn == good augh;l for all == SBTL
Merri Cleave == H/Rsoul CH — reaqnsctranscribed meeting in yeellow
(saving dareft – editing again wafter drink)
if RLHR not seior and thre s/b comms btwn her and advisors in miutes /wemailks
of advice ti het about why I was considerd dangerous — disd nothing — all notes say brusquenes or refysal t talk was staff concvderns — I as under great stress dur tio CBSOP’;sd lies and freed onm to intrterfere and oit wasnm’t allowed — shoufdn’t happn agn to anyonme — pls..
Dorry/sorry
Any advice to HR and esp rebel ratthyer than psych dabgerousn — show I wrote palkin english em,ails noty thr rwsted stuff they all say — they had high school eng comprehensio failure — problems reakl and I protectinmg integrity of sytsems — then their asses then -> them theyr sorry asses and stipid perfornabce pay — selfish cunmts all to detriment of all staff – concerns not voiced by cowardly satff afraid their jobs — tht I gad noth to lose — did though — surprisd I was. by that
Sidetrack — hace kept unsuiidetracked as much as poss onn 31/12/08
All the stuff (recorded mweetings notes hidden in the files — samart y’ll find it easily — if you know meet — always hide in orests lots DVDS and CDs bastartds will have years lookinbg and already out there.
Sidertack — 2much ro summarise hear — fol;;ow the comms that must xst between all thes — if they don’t all conmnclusiions and st8mts by IR are invalidated8 and as I had facts the become acountable for actions taken because I queried bad deciasions, bad performance at the higher levels and abuse of englisgh — Nek knows and Amy does — all emails well out there — hope 2 gs tat someonme sabbved thje,
savefd their copies — IR audit processes and Public Records act require everything archived and avail — all emails sent rcd archived over nihght unless deleted that day
meetings — informal or discussions not recorded — old boy/girl network
Happened before — who when where — I was offered (union) chance of cash settlement
Talk prev as IR paifd Hush money on thiose cases for silence — offer to pay me for missed 3 weeks (wt c/b hillnmorton and first psych hospi*lisat*n. — Fought hadrd — photos — ange visited me to check state og house god bless her — onl yproof that all records of statements to CBSP (of not to) to Lehman (dr) were lies — why dod CBSP have to discharge herself through IR if I nomivbated her as SP.
Find staff to make affadavioits re her ten+ years of actions at IR and xamples of her insane statements — everyone aware — asked trades people and managers to sleep with her cursed body. Accursed.
CBSP worked with Paula Calpp / Clapp and Denise Alexander as equal manager — terrors of Datap processinmg — old stylr intmidation of maori/asian/gay/anyione not as stuipid or limistd as them — must be someone whio caaan talk
(save) 7:24
Mark Turner human res Wellingtom requested my file and held it befor staff concernm — why(MTHR) — length of time/reasdon — email to CH to say held file in my pers file
My file tagged with cp;olur coded tags — unusual to people ann copying my file — no exp — what coded and why — appd to be overt dissent rather than medical — and examples of interactions with blatant stupidity and loss of professional tone
Stress ts — my pay remained at 106$ out of top poss of 120$ and this was signed off by RMTL and RMMC as approp — If performing 6/20ths of acknowledged max perform why concerns? Quality always 100% — no compl;aints about qualaity of output that weren’t due to ignoarance of issuwes by people paid to understand them
Prev record — always helpful — one of first awards when rcognition schem set up due to helpfulness and before it became a thing people sulked if they hadn’t rec’d — officailly minuted question at time — can aperson get output if not achieving averages — obviously me — start of schem — in first three month
2much avction (thanks dust!)
save again 7:31
If not for penalties when things unpaid coulda got through this =– f’gods sake stop banks and places charging penalties to people unable to pay first — that’s when weverything become impssble — can’t gover anything — fight to balance — deliberate start to get people there?>?
Ian Hebbend (Senior HR advisor) — IHHR
Paula clapp Manager CH = PCMC
emails re me and advice to manager p;us apparent (and refrrd to in elail re l/head discussions about me and unstated concerns)
Wgat said back then? IHHR PCMC — RMTL: was my leadfer
So
PCMC HR — IHHR — what went on re Me before CBSP became SP
Staff opinion as to CBSP fitness and due to prev loud arg when training likelihood I would choose her wven if medicated to zombie state
Although eccentric all though more rational than most peoples — all actions explicable in art/humour/coded jibes at syste m — a pynchon fab could follw lines of thought — Brannigan as char witness???
I’d get up from grave for that one!
Staff perceptions of IR actions re me
Get affadavits of perceptions then compare yo IR statements
Staff who aren’t cowards orr afraid are best
saved — all of this and lots motre in code on computer — buried in code — larry wall would know and perl would work.
So repeating
PCMC HR IHHR
RMTL PCMC
CBSP either RMTL || PCMC || RMMC
akll conmms RMTL and managers — fucking iliterate shouldn’t nmanage animals let alone decide psych state — why record satement about dream of likking neighbour at stress and heaviest medication when off work and unable to function and no fucking notes about home invasion burgalaries — my phot – lots of evidence — thank god fro com,puters
then
Afrain (first paranoia?) this not getting out — lots of responses to jokes none to the reality (!) of all this – smart friends WTF can’t they follow this — not raving mountains og paper many witnesses yet total resigned attitude can’t fight stystem
That why system wins =– laern at least that — fight til you can fignht no longer or lose
too much on but love Axemen and people I praised publically by me deserve praise for standing up and risking what I have — guts all of them even for offer encouragement — if can be harnessed can win back the cowrds — too hard for omne peron — rghb is all too hard for fucking company — no one helped me work out thsi — why just me — why everything so much miore imoiortant than this — with fuout prioncipse of unons and bonding together and sublimating your good to help others (sublm8?) not possible to win — system has harnessed selfishness and promoted it as acceptable — neecd unhippy communities — McGowan kinda a good start.
Side tracked — wil paste/cutr and contra8.
PCMC HR IHHR
RMTL PCMC
CBSP either RMTL || PCMC || RMMC
akll conmms RMTL and managers — fucking iliterate shouldn’t nmanage animals let alone decide
why meetings between RMTL CBSP without neutral party or recordedr present — my MP3s evidence the unacceptable attack by both of them on more than output — tag team — sounds paranoid but CBSP very useful to mgmt — need to look at history — prev interaction — spy kinda stuff — known toady (no Cream!)
from CBSP intrusion all meetings emails regrding her and I from anyome and everyone
Notes between RMMC and T/L’s
All vontacts RMMC with HR — what was said and implied? Me a known troublemaker but really a known straight talker asking diff ?’s that couldn’t be answered with bullshit because more knowlegeable
Moving 4wd but toward clidff — my regular staement about dangers of pressure on staff — stress a occup8nl jazzard — too many for an org that just administers tax law — why the stress?
After the RMMC all my emails and absfucking loutely everything to whoevet in HR finally succedded
in making me loose ./ lose this despite big and long dffight — if they did this before and it looks like its’; not first time — get all details — embarras minister and find outr if standard NZ emplotment paractice — if so public discussion will syop it or force undrgrnd.
so next stuf was RMTL || SGTL || RMMC and HR staff — assume SVHR || SV=SB || SBHR || RLHR
What was that legal opinion about — answer may be priv, but request for one certainly ort — that’ll prove intent and IR concerns re psych state as always — WTF did I do — IN paid IR time — that required IR do anything to allow interference and if so recog path is EAP or outside orgs with training not insane mothers whoi don’t undertand english or read books.
after leg opinion
All griefings to (grief s/b brief but…) RMMC from HR — who did it SBHR / RLHR with what intent
med quals of anyome assessing ne from IR — even Indust dpsych Corina paid for by IR was nort qual to assess psycvh state — required consent to talk to DR/Deidre Love at Mental Health — onlt they could oassess mental state
If had ability to nom satble supp person once able to maked decis ange qws obv choice — cared/smart/knew me/very stable
Can’t understand why no email today — not even hey you were good, from Di, Sharon, Koanne, Lisa, Ros, Erin, or people not there — don’t think blocked — just unimportant to eeryone — but why — seems so unlikely as to make assumptions of paranoia appear valid? Can only compare to same people’s commenst about othr stuff — maybe I only imagin I did the work for monster? Too musc other evidence to contrary unless all evidence is hallucin outside of my expected ability to create in such detail — photos — me in ev band, people there all knew me or of me — inexplicable in terms of Occam.
Always refgret lying to Amy and the girsls about Terminals US as if was a formal plan it wasn’t — we were going and IR stopped that but no way of proving such a unorganised p;an — we don’t work that way – good.
As sam’d say — I can’t go on, I’;; go onm — if simulation of universe and get to do this again because of three lives in game kinda situation will be very very pissed off that I didn’t succumb to all my baser impulses — ooss Lynch/McGowan/etc farm for harvesting of pain or similar is onmly explanation for events this year. If so am a prized commodity for some entity and wilol fight until absorbed or assimilated and even vbeyond quantum sate if intelligence or action poss — always fight until unable — remain human — don’t become the enemy.
Gonna sleep decide what next — no sleep for soo long and taking all meds — why frienfds so brutal? What so important that me not worth getting through this — never understand — as per EZ — Aiuto? Wrote out that poem by hand so many times.
Ez/Gaddis/Pynchon/MES probably my gods — wonder why no women in the top 4 and two of them so abrasive? Wonder if reading men for so long meant I missed thaings that could’ve helped the way they did when dealing with the picture that’s both bigger and smaller than the big picture.
Girl friendshiop helped, girls that like music are the best, wonder what they got out og it — so many female friends and me a eunuch — so many books in all of this — comedy to make the gods laugh.
Sleep essential — counting sleep now, looking for minimum pain short oir long term — always wonder if he drug route would have taught me more or nulified me, samrt enough not to do it forpleasure, manged to resist sex even when capable. Not many can say that.
Sleep — 4 hours since getting home from monster — shouldn’y I just shut down out of self-defence — bofdy smart enough to protect itself ? So much I can’t understand — need blackness and no fear of damnatiopn in any afterlife — comedy of hell must be a fine and violent thing, desade, legaman, bataille, and that’s just the porn section.
Wonder where the archives’; go?
31 ideal choice everyonme away from computers and will be hungover — wonder if in final analysis that’s all Crowley’s sacred 31 was? He always was the tar baby — was there substance under the tar or any honourable path — read him mso many times — like MES — just finger traps and time loops?
So many inexplicables, so few guidelines, so little correspondence of reality with what told reality is.
From here meds forebver, chem lobotomy or game restart — none particularly opalatablr choices — world inexplicable in too many ways to not have significance in some way unkless just a particularly shiny mirror to distract drom the smoke
Pretty mnuch remained sane to here — many couldn’t — unless this is everyone’s reality 00 the stuffing of the distended goose, and all I did was what was expected so the old liver became a deli item — it that’s all it was will agin be very pissed off and hope I never know — hitting the hot frying pan means that I coulda broken all rules and been the same egg with just a slightly diff flavour.
Will chuck this on axedblog for multiple unretractibility. as EK has copy either every outket is just an empty outlet or one of these can help any other poor fool.
Aiuto! Aiuto!
Either destroy this brain totally or not at all — don’t want to be able to be less able to comprehend than already — used so many disciplines, missed all the simple traps, at leastgotpast leve; one.
Aiuto!
.
t
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lsm — if nothing else correct the spelling of Robyne’s name if I’m to sedated or have no inmet access wherever’s next. It’s athing that matters to me if not her.
Thanks for the Axemen.
Coro woulda been good — too late in the year. CM8.
me